Good Morning Wheels

Really, what could be prettier than a wall of wheels first thing in the morning?

First Day Back

Yup.  Today was the first day back and assessments.  My left front split is down (as of this morning when it was being assessed)!!!  I am so tired.  Long day, full day, but it ain't over yet.  Members only wheel only time tonight.  Yippee!

Here's a squashed lime.  When life gives you lemons, ignore them and squash limes.

Did I mention circus is awesome? 

Yes, I'm aware I'm stretching here.

It's a dog's life

Hello January.

I believe my last post was in October?  I'm really good at this, yeah?

We were on break for the last few weeks and classes start up again for us Intensives tomorrow when we revisit the assessments.  No big deal.

So, we also have a book report due next week.  A book report for circus school?  Yes.  You read right.  This book report is not going to be graded on grammar and whatnot.  Our assignment was to read a book on topics such as "how to stay inspired" "how to make a living as an artist" "the creative process" "getting past mental blocks" etc.  Ya dig?  See, we're all here learning a performance art and trying to figure out how to make a living doing it.  I'll take all the advice I can get, and if I have to read some books for that, by golly, I will.
Anyway, the book I chose, Twyla Tharp's "The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life," got me thinking about things and stuff.  Things and stuff is very important.  Long story short, I decided to take one picture every day.  That's my only rule.  Take a picture every day, it only takes a second or two.  My first picture is that dog sleeping half in the sun, head resting on a stone slab supporting a wood-stove.  Oh how I envied her, all warm and cozy on a cold winter's day.  Sometimes I think it would be nice to be a dog.  Maybe this will help inspire me to write more; if nothing else, I'll just post a picture every day...maybe.  And if I do write something, it might have nothing whatsoever to do with the picture.  That'll be fun, eh?

Circus!
Just had to throw that in there.  :-)

Happy Birthday Little Brother

Happy Birthday Little Brother.  This year as you turn 24 (holy cow, you’re 24, I’m so old) your Diababy turns 1.  I’ve read a number of “when I was diagnosed” stories in which people were diagnosed around Halloween, Thanksgiving, or Christmas, and they complain about the “worst [holiday] ever.”  Honestly though, I think yours takes the cake.  On your birthday, really that just sucks.  Them guys ain’t got nothin’ on you, bro.  In a way, I feel fortunate that I was so young when my Diababy showed up because I cannot remember when it’s birthday is.  I know it is a few months older than you because Mom was pregnant with you when I was in the hospital.  Time-relativity to a three-ish year old is so much different than to someone who actually knows what day of the week it is.  Mom and Dad didn’t focus on when I was diagnosed but rather just learning how to take care of me, so I don’t even think they know when my Diababy’s birthday is.  Plus, I was way more excited about my future-little-brother, who even cared about Diabetes?  Not me!  Just think about this: When you are 46, your Diababy will be a young, spritely 23 while my Diababy will be a crotchety old 46 year-old.  In a way, you’re lucky that you were a little older; you missed out having Diabetes as a teenager.  So, you got that going for you.  Anyway, I hope someday you can forget the actual birthday of your Diababy.  I have high hopes because rumor has it most dudes are pretty bad at remembering birthdays, right?

Here’s the thing, though, Little Brother, I’m so proud of you.  Everyone has good days and everyone has bad days.  Frustration is part of the game.  You’re a champ, don’t forget that.

P.S. Your birthday card will be a little late, sorry.

The Talk

School started yesterday.  Circus School!  Two awesome days down, many more to go.  It was the typical usual first days kinda stuff.  The orientation meeting.  The group assessment.  The individual meeting with the fantastic Intensive Program Director to discuss goals and fears.  The only thing we didn’t do was play one of those “meet and greet” games, like saying a name and tossing a ball.  I’m pretty sure I’m fine with not having done that.

                Yesterday, being the first day, we had the sit-in-the-circle-welcome-orientation-rules-expectations meeting.  Jamie, our amazing Intensive Program Director, (did I mention she's awesome?) mentioned how she felt like a bad first date, doing all the talking.  Don’t worry though, it wasn’t bad at all.  It was only all the necessary stuff.  And of course we went around saying our names and where we’re from.  Then, while paperwork was being handed around, we went around again and told a little more about ourselves, like how we got into circus.  When it got to be my turn, of course I mentioned the “Fun with Circus Skills” class and the first time I got to try German Wheel and going home and googling it, YouTubing it, and trying to find where to purchase one.  Then, and I did feel a bit…like awkward first date topic, I told everyone that I have Type 1 Diabetes, that there are a few things to be aware of, but it doesn’t make me fragile.  It can be a difficult thing to bring up because I don’t want people to treat me different, but to be aware of it makes for a safe environment.  It can be difficult to bring up especially if it’s the first time meeting people because I’d like them to get to know me first.  You know?  But, this was definitely different than a first date, because of the nature of not only the group, but the activities and the environment.  I do have to say, though, that in all the evening classes I have taken, no coach or other student for that matter has ever treated me as if I am fragile.  They still have asked the same of me as any other student.  But it is nice to know that they understand if I up and leave the room or go sit down for a snack, it’s for a very specific reason (low blood sugar).  It might have felt awkward to announce it in such a large group, but I would rather feel awkward for a moment than have everyone give that questioning look when I have to grab a snack. 

                I am suddenly reminded of more than one of my former-elementary-school-classmates telling me (within the last few years) that they often thought, “Why does Abby get a snack now?”

                How many times have I had to give the Diabetes introduction?  By now you’d think I’d be used to it.  I remember in 7^th grade in my “homeroom” we all got a couple of M&Ms which we could eat after we said our name and something else about ourselves.  When it was my turn, I said something like, “Well, it turns out M&Ms do melt in your hand.  I can’t eat these right now because I have Diabetes.” Etc and so on.  It probably wouldn’t have been a big deal if I had eaten them, but at the time the common thought was still “No sugar.”  And I was not yet on the pump, still treating with 2 regular and nph (mixed) injections each day.  How far I’ve come, and yet I still find it difficult sometimes to introduce myself as a “PWD” = Person with Diabetes.

Sometimes I Just Can't Fall Asleep

So I’m sitting here, it’s 10:50 pm, in a dark room lit only by an obscured night-light and my laptop screen.  The laptop is doing a much better job of throwing light than the nightlight at the moment, probably due to the fact that there is a fully draped clothes drying rack planted directly in front of said nightlight.  The grammar-check of this version of “word” is telling me that I have the wrong “it’s” in front of the “10:50.”  Isn’t it obvious that I mean “it is” and not the possessive form?  Grammar-check, you can throw your squiggly green lines at me all you want, I am not changing that!  This is a quaint little room, barely big enough for a bed and me, but I am growing to like it.  About 90% of my belongings are still at home; it will be nice to live minimally for a while again.  I do have to bring a few more things up here before all is said and done.  Like fingernail and toenail clippers, a reading lamp, my paints and 2 canvasses, and something else which I will remember later. 

                School starts tomorrow.  It’s 11:00 pm and I’m not in bed yet.  Who knows if I will even be able to sleep?  Excited?  Yes.  Nervous?  Double yes.  If there was one talent I wish I had, though I might even consider it a super power, it would be the ability to fall asleep anywhere on command.  I would not want to randomly fall asleep anywhere, that could be dangerous (zip-lining, driving a car, cutting onions at Julia Childs speed, you name it, there are many dangerous-while-sleeping activities).  If I could do that, fall asleep on command no matter my surroundings, I would totally turn this baby off, lay down in bed, and tell myself, “Ok self, sleep now,” and boom, I’d be asleep.  Like buttah.  Yes, I know that doesn’t really fit, but I just like saying, “Like buttah.” 

                And finally, here I am 10 hours away from the first day of circus school.  I hope I’m ready.

Let’s Talk About Fear, Shall We?

Oh my, August already.  The end of August, already.  How did that happen?  Who cares, it’s here and there’s nothing we can do about it. 

            Just like that summer is almost over and I’ll be starting the Intensive Program at NECCA in…12 days…12 DAYS!!!  I’m moving up to Brattleboro, soon, too.  I’m feeling a little anxious, excited, nervous, maybe even a little scared because sometimes change can be a bit scary.  But what am I scared of?  Being in this program is something I’ve been looking forward to for over a year.  I’m afraid I won’t find a part-time job and that I’ll go totally broke and not be able to afford food or rent or school payments.  I’m afraid I won’t live up to expectations, my own and my coaches’.  I’m afraid of having severe low blood sugar (hypoglycemia) and causing an “incident.”  That pretty much sums up all my major fears.  Here’s what I keep telling myself: 

Abby, you are employable and there will be a job out there.  You just have to keep your eyes open.  Don’t forget, you’ll still be working at Zoar, zipping until the end of October, you have some time.  Just keep looking.  Also, get over yourself.  You know how to work hard and put effort into the things you do.  Remember rowing?  Competitively?  In college?  Yeah, you did that.  Remember biking across the country?  Yup, you did that, too.  Just put the work in and you will meet or exceed expectations.  Thirdly, just do your blood tests, often, don’t forget to eat, regularly, and take your insulin, but not too much.  You’ve done this before.  Remember rowing?  Biking?  It will be ok.

So there you go.  Nothing to fear but fear itself.  And a big scary spider.  Or many itty bitty spiders.

Many itty bitty spiders = scary.