Thursday, September 6, 2012

The Talk



School started yesterday.  Circus School!  Two awesome days down, many more to go.  It was the typical usual first days kinda stuff.  The orientation meeting.  The group assessment.  The individual meeting with the fantastic Intensive Program Director to discuss goals and fears.  The only thing we didn’t do was play one of those “meet and greet” games, like saying a name and tossing a ball.  I’m pretty sure I’m fine with not having done that.
                Yesterday, being the first day, we had the sit-in-the-circle-welcome-orientation-rules-expectations meeting.  Jamie, our amazing Intensive Program Director, (did I mention she's awesome?) mentioned how she felt like a bad first date, doing all the talking.  Don’t worry though, it wasn’t bad at all.  It was only all the necessary stuff.  And of course we went around saying our names and where we’re from.  Then, while paperwork was being handed around, we went around again and told a little more about ourselves, like how we got into circus.  When it got to be my turn, of course I mentioned the “Fun with Circus Skills” class and the first time I got to try German Wheel and going home and googling it, YouTubing it, and trying to find where to purchase one.  Then, and I did feel a bit…like awkward first date topic, I told everyone that I have Type 1 Diabetes, that there are a few things to be aware of, but it doesn’t make me fragile.  It can be a difficult thing to bring up because I don’t want people to treat me different, but to be aware of it makes for a safe environment.  It can be difficult to bring up especially if it’s the first time meeting people because I’d like them to get to know me first.  You know?  But, this was definitely different than a first date, because of the nature of not only the group, but the activities and the environment.  I do have to say, though, that in all the evening classes I have taken, no coach or other student for that matter has ever treated me as if I am fragile.  They still have asked the same of me as any other student.  But it is nice to know that they understand if I up and leave the room or go sit down for a snack, it’s for a very specific reason (low blood sugar).  It might have felt awkward to announce it in such a large group, but I would rather feel awkward for a moment than have everyone give that questioning look when I have to grab a snack. 
                I am suddenly reminded of more than one of my former-elementary-school-classmates telling me (within the last few years) that they often thought, “Why does Abby get a snack now?”
                How many times have I had to give the Diabetes introduction?  By now you’d think I’d be used to it.  I remember in 7th grade in my “homeroom” we all got a couple of M&Ms which we could eat after we said our name and something else about ourselves.  When it was my turn, I said something like, “Well, it turns out M&Ms do melt in your hand.  I can’t eat these right now because I have Diabetes.” Etc and so on.  It probably wouldn’t have been a big deal if I had eaten them, but at the time the common thought was still “No sugar.”  And I was not yet on the pump, still treating with 2 regular and nph (mixed) injections each day.  How far I’ve come, and yet I still find it difficult sometimes to introduce myself as a “PWD” = Person with Diabetes.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Sometimes I Just Can't Fall Asleep



So I’m sitting here, it’s 10:50 pm, in a dark room lit only by an obscured night-light and my laptop screen.  The laptop is doing a much better job of throwing light than the nightlight at the moment, probably due to the fact that there is a fully draped clothes drying rack planted directly in front of said nightlight.  The grammar-check of this version of “word” is telling me that I have the wrong “it’s” in front of the “10:50.”  Isn’t it obvious that I mean “it is” and not the possessive form?  Grammar-check, you can throw your squiggly green lines at me all you want, I am not changing that!  This is a quaint little room, barely big enough for a bed and me, but I am growing to like it.  About 90% of my belongings are still at home; it will be nice to live minimally for a while again.  I do have to bring a few more things up here before all is said and done.  Like fingernail and toenail clippers, a reading lamp, my paints and 2 canvasses, and something else which I will remember later. 
                School starts tomorrow.  It’s 11:00 pm and I’m not in bed yet.  Who knows if I will even be able to sleep?  Excited?  Yes.  Nervous?  Double yes.  If there was one talent I wish I had, though I might even consider it a super power, it would be the ability to fall asleep anywhere on command.  I would not want to randomly fall asleep anywhere, that could be dangerous (zip-lining, driving a car, cutting onions at Julia Childs speed, you name it, there are many dangerous-while-sleeping activities).  If I could do that, fall asleep on command no matter my surroundings, I would totally turn this baby off, lay down in bed, and tell myself, “Ok self, sleep now,” and boom, I’d be asleep.  Like buttah.  Yes, I know that doesn’t really fit, but I just like saying, “Like buttah.” 
                And finally, here I am 10 hours away from the first day of circus school.  I hope I’m ready.