Olds and News

It is nearly a year since my last post. I'm not very good at keeping all my adoring fans updated. Haha.

Well, here's some news, and some "olds" (because it's not really new).

Almost a year ago I purchased my very own wheel. Now I can take it anywhere to perform whenever I want! I've had a few chances to do that, and will have a few more. In fact, this weekend I am performing in two different places on the same day (Saturday) but, luckily and thankfully, not at the same time. That would be difficult. But not if I had some sort of device with which to turn back time and then be able to do two different things that happen at the same time...sounds like some kind of magic that should be in a book. :-P

There are some big things rolling on in in the near future, too. I have the opportunity to perform (and get paid for it!) in a show all summer long. I've made my plans in anticipation of this happening (told my jobs I won't be able to work this summer) so I'm banking on everything coming to fruition. I feel very fortunate to have this opportunity and look forward to performing in front of many different audiences. I look forward to giving people something to smile about with my performances.

I used the word "perform" a lot in this post. It must be on my mind.

A Little Gem

I performed a couple of weekends ago.  We had two shows and they both went well.  The first show was the "dress rehearsal," and ended up being my favorite.  Here's why.

Mine was the last act of the show.  No, that's not the reason, but it being the last act I had to roll the wheel away from the floor after the bow so that people would not be tempted the give it a test-spin.  Anyway, please allow me to back-track a bit; near the end of my act during the first show, I interacted with a young girl, she was maybe 4 or 5 years old, by shrugging and silently asking if my toy-car placement was right.  You'll know what I'm talking about when you watch the video.  Anyway, fast-forward to post-bow; I'm standing by the wheel to further discourage test-drivers and the little girl, her parents, and her brother come over to say "Hi!" and all the other after-performance niceties people say.  The dad was saying to the girl, "Go ahead, you can say it..." but she was a little shy.  So, I broke the ice by asking, "Did you like the jump at the end?"  She nodded "yes."  So I asked, "Did you think I was going to make it?"  She shook her head, "no."  I laughed.  Then she got up the nerve to say, "I want to try German Wheel! That looks fun!"  (Ok, maybe she didn't actually say "German Wheel").

I like to imagine that sometime down the road, that little girl will remember when that circus performer talked to her, and that it felt really awesome and special to be the person in the audience that was asked (with a look and a gesture), "Does this look right?"

Follow the link below to see the act (filmed during the second show of the day).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P3hQOX19hZw&feature=youtu.be

My New Pump

So on my drive home tonight, I thought of an interesting topic to write about, but darn it I can't remember what that was.  Instead, I'll write about the thing I've been thinking of writing for the last two weeks.

I got a new pump!  Someday I will have to take a picture of my "museum."  All the old blood-test machines and pumps that I still have which are utterly obsolete.  Someday.

My new pump is purple.  I'm not making any political statements with it, I just wanted a pretty color that wasn't bubble-gum pink.  Mind you, I do like the color pink, but I'm more in the mood for a darker, more jewel-like, almost-magenta pink.  The next best thing about this new pump is that it has the newest continuous glucose monitoring technology system in the US.  The sensors are better, more comfortable, and more accurate.  At least...that's what they say.  The old ones, which went with my old ("clear"-colored) pump did not work well for me.  I'd tried them, when that pump was new back in 2010, and they were more of a nuisance than anything.  The old ones sensors were worn for 3 days, the new ones for 6.  The old sensors were difficult to put in, the new ones...don't like to stay in.  You see, when you insert the sensor, a needle is used.  There is a bit of adhesive around the needle so that when you remove the insertion device, the sensor stays in.  This is more difficult than it sounds.  The removal of the insertion device ends up pulling out the needle/sensor.  I hate wasting sensors almost as much as I hate wasting food!

One of the reasons my doctor wanted me to get this new pump is because it has what's called a "Threshold Suspend."  That means if my blood sugar falls below a certain number, the pump will shut itself off if I do not respond to the alarm.  It also alarms if my blood sugar is above a certain number (and no, it doesn't automatically administer more insulin.  That would be bad-news-bears, see below).  It also alarms if my blood sugar rises or falls at a certain rate.  Well, I should say it has the ability to alarm for all those things, because a person can turn off the alarms and Threshold Suspend.

Another thing I've noticed; for the first 2-3 days that the sensor is in, if you can get it to stay in, it is so very wrong.  For example: the first day I wore a sensor, it said my blood sugar was over 400 mg/dL for hours.  In reality, it was somewhere between 156 - 300ish mg/dL during that time.  After those first 3 days, though, it's accuracy improves.  I'm rather glad I took heed to the instructions that said, "Never adjust insulin based on sensor readings alone.  Always check with a glucose monitor first."  Seriously.

Moral of the story, it's wise to follow manufacturer instructions and warnings.

Oh, and the jury is still out on whether or not I like this new-fangled set-up.  The first 3 days of a new sensor are frustrating and kind of pointless (I turned off all alarms and the Threshold Suspend), but the last 3 days are probably pretty useful.  It will be nice when these little glitches are all worked out!

A Silver-lining Day, or Something Like That

It's difficult to admit when things aren't always good.  Especially when people often say, "You have such good control of your diabetes."  Well...I try.  But when I look at my log book, it's not always pretty.  It's frustrating because...I feel like somehow I'm failing.  Some days my blood sugars bounce between 48 mg/dL and 274 mg/dL.  The usual target range is 70-140 mg/dL.  I have a difficult time sensing or feeling when my blood sugar is too high or too low.  I am "unaware" to hyper- and hypoglycemia.  So, I test my blood...a lot.  Because am I feeling cranky because I'm tired, or low?  Am I feeling hungry because I'm hungry, or low?  Am I sweating so much because I'm exercising, or low?  So...8 to 10 tests a day later...I see that my numbers look more like elevations on some roller-coaster ride than the numbers of a "good diabetic."  Sometimes I wonder if this is a mental game, too, like any and every sport or athletic endeavor, ever.  When you imagine that you will be unsuccessful, most often that ends up being the outcome, but when you have a positive or successful mental image, you're more likely to do well.  Point in case: when I focus on all the things that can go wrong while practicing on the German Wheel, they do.  Ok, so that wasn't very specific, but I had to plug in a circus reference.  And it's true. 

If treating diabetes was like learning or practicing handstands, after 28 years I should be a master, treating my diabetes one handed while balancing with the other.  In a handstand, when you're first learning, you make big adjustments and "fall through" the handstand many times.  As you get more used to the balance, you make smaller adjustments and stay in a more balanced handstand for longer and longer until you're balanced perfectly.  Or what appears to be perfect...you're still making tiny adjustments, but they're so small that it's hardly noticeable.  But most days my diabetes looks more like a beginner hand-balancer.  Falling through the target zone but hardly staying in it.  However, I'm still trying.  And maybe if I think more positively, it might level off a bit more.  Diabetes is challenging, that's a fact, but maybe I need to look at it differently.  Actually, today I did great, my numbers ranged between 94-162 mg/dL.  And yesterday they were 96-185 mg/dL.  These are the first two days in...a long time...when I wasn't either above 200 or below 70 (or both) at least once.  Let's see how tomorrow goes. 

So yeah, I'm not perfect.  Nobody is.  And sometimes the effort of trying and the lack of reward is daunting and discouraging.  But then that silver-lining day comes along, and suddenly better control doesn't seem so impossible after all.

Inspired by a friend who, although she was feeling body-conscious in a photo on facebook, did not "un-tag" herself...here's a picture, of my log book. 

Not Always Perfect

Confession: When people ask “How is your diabetes?” I usually say, “Pretty good,” or “Fine,” but that isn’t entirely accurate.  My average, or A1C, is higher than I’d like it to be, but it’s not terrible.  Ok, it's probably not even really all that good, either.  I had better control when I was rowing in college, and I’ve been trying to figure out why.  Part of it is the difference of routines.  When I was rowing, we had a practice/workout in the morning and assigned workouts to complete on our own time later in the day, every day.  Although there are workouts in and for circus classes, we have workouts for homework, my schedule is more sporadic.  I also test my blood sugars less, partly because my insurance only covers so many strips per month.  Ok, mostly because of that reason.  Therefore, I tend to set myself up to keep my numbers on the high side when I know I won’t be testing often.  In the long run, this is not a great thing, but because lows can have immediate catastrophic effects, I’d rather be on the upper end when I can’t continuously check my blood sugar. 

Here’s another interesting difference between rowing and circus-ing with diabetes: when I was rowing, it was easier to tell when my blood sugar was getting low.  With the kind of work we’ve been doing here in circus school, there are a lot more emotions that come up.  It’s much more difficult to figure out if I’m being emotional just because I’m being emotional, or if it’s because my blood sugar is low.  Apparently, I am a crier.  I think I preferred when I could blame my tears on the low blood sugars. 

An Adventure

My friend T and I went on an adventure to a warehouse store.  These are a couple of the items we saw.  Anything and everything was in that warehouse.  T bought a sewing machine.  There were no German Wheels (or rhonrads).  So, I guess it didn't have everything after all. 

Circus Hands

Ok, it's actually one hand.

This is what my hand looked like at the end of our first day back (which was Monday), don't worry, it's even worse now.

Doctors freak out a little bit when they see hands in this condition, especially on a diabetic person, aka me.  Mainly because they worry about diabetic related complications such as neuropathy, a condition in which the periphery nerves are damaged.  This can cause pain or numbness in hands and feet.  So whenever doctors see my hands like this, I think they get worried that I either can't feel it (neuropathy) or that I'll get an infection.  Well, doctors, I most certainly can feel this, and yes it hurts but in a most unsurprising and normal way.  Otherwise, my hands work as well as they ever have.  Also, I wash them.  A lot.   So, instead of freaking out, tell me something useful, like, "Put ointment on it at night.  Try taping it when doing activities where contact with dirt and grime is highly likely," etc.  Otherwise, what are you going to tell me, stop doing circus?  'Cause that ain't gonna happen.

Circus hands create.
Don't underestimate them.

By the way, if you want to read more about neuropathy, here's a website with a good over-view: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/147963.php