It’s things like this that make me question the feasibility of my newly designed path. What I’m talking about is what went down in my German Wheel class tonight: my blood sugar. Before class it was really nice at 110 mg/dl. I took my pump off because sometimes it gets in the way. We did the warm-up which was some jogging, jumping, lunging, and stretching. Then the fabric kids (they’re around my age, some older some younger, but I like to call people kids) went to hang out on fabrics and us wheel kids got the wheels out to play. There was a new student with us tonight, so I felt a little cramped, but I was going to make myself be comfortable with it. I did some warm-up rocks and stuff and just felt off; too hot and sweaty and a little uncoordinated. So, I grabbed a chewy bar then hopped back on the wheel. Still didn’t feel right. Ok. I should see where I’m at…so I did another blood test. This time, it was 29 mg/dl. Seriously?!?! That’s very low. Seriously. I’m glad I didn’t try anything that required more skill and control. A non-diabetic typically stays around 60 – 90 mg/dl, and 60 is even a bit low, but not too bad. Usually the target range for diabetics is somewhere around 70 – 140 mg/dl. This differs from person to person; some break it down to 70 – 100 mg/dl before meals and 100 – 140 mg/dl after meals, whereas others might have slightly different target ranges based several reasons including age or how their control has been over the last 3 – 4 months. Moral of the story, I was low. This made me so frustrated because before class I thought to myself, I wonder if I should have a snack? I’m going to take my pump off anyway, and usually my blood sugar goes up a bit by the end of class, so, I’ll forgo the snack because I think it’ll be fine. I should have remembered that I snacked around 5 pm and gave myself insulin with it. That insulin was still hanging out in my system and got a little extra kick from the warm-ups we did. The result: crash, boom, splat, there goes my blood sugar. So I ate. Waited about 15 minutes. The wheel coach asked if I was ready yet…I just didn’t feel right yet, so I did another blood test. Whoopee…49 mg/dl. Grrrr, still not high enough; more snack and more waiting. I already felt like I was wasting time. I got really frustrated. I cried some. It happens when my blood sugar is low. I accept that, doesn’t mean I have to like it. Finally I felt kind of ok enough to do some stuff. But I was still awkward and not really on point like I’ve been in previous classes. Maybe in part because I was on a bigger wheel than I’m not used to; the new student had the wheel that I usually use. But really, I think I just let this “episode” get to me. I let it rattle around in my head and take up valuable space that happy-focus-wheel-focus-time needed. Then I let the insidious thoughts creep in, What are you even doing here, Abby? You’re just kidding yourself thinking that you can do this. You can’t even do a kick-over to seats without a spot yet. You can’t do pull-up to seats without a spot yet. You can’t do that weird pike thing without a spot yet. Stupid thoughts, where are you even coming from? Huh? The land of Low-Blood-Sugar-Shakes and Emotional City, that’s where. I know I’m low when I start panicking about the future. It’s true. I realized that during one particular finals week at UMass and I was standing in my dorm room just looking around and suddenly I was in the middle of some I’m-going-to-end-up-homeless-in-a-box-on-the-side-of-the-road-freezing-to-death panic attack. So, I knew this was just my blood sugar talking. But it actually tends to magnify fears or insecurities that I already have. So yes, I do wonder if what I am doing will be worth it; will I find success? Who really ever knows? All that matters is if I’m enjoying it. And yes, excluding the stinkin’ lows! Luckily, I ended on a high note. And I do not mean my blood sugar! I’ve been trying this trick that we call the “straddle spiral.” Most of the time the wheel just ends up slamming on the ground with a very loud SLAP! But tonight, after several tries, I finally got it. There is hope, after all.
Straddle spiral (the very first one, for about 2 seconds), then many more spiral moves.
Pull up to seats (at about 34 seconds) and kick-over to seats (at about 59 seconds)
