Good Morning Wheels

Really, what could be prettier than a wall of wheels first thing in the morning?

Never too Old

When I was in 8^th grade everybody in the class of 120-or-30-some-odd students had to participate in a career fair. We each had to select a career in which we were interested, or what we wanted to “be” when we grew up, to research and present at the “fair.” At the time I was really into figure skating. I never had taken any lessons, but in the winter I would skate on our frozen pond with the cheap pair of skates my mom got me for Christmas one year. I would watch every televised competition or event, and I knew who every figure skater was and what their strengths, weaknesses, and “signature” moves were. But at 13-going-on-14 I knew I was too old to be a competitive figure skater, especially since I’d never had any formal training and all those people on T.V. had been training practically since they could walk. However, I had an eye for artistry, so I figured I could make it as a choreographer. And that’s what I chose for my 8^th grade career fair project. From my research, I learned that choreographers often start off as dancers who also usually begin learning their trade at a young age; yet another thing in which I had no experience. So after the career fair I pretty much scratched that idea because I figured I was too old to start. Sad, huh? Since then my career plans, or more accurately “ideas,” have jumped from Artist to Archaeologist to Art Historian to Illustrator to Costume Designer to (Movie) Set Designer to Pediatric Endocrinologist to Diabetes Educator to Personal Trainer to Special Effects Make-up Artist to Sculptor to Actress. Now, I find myself taking circus arts classes and sincerely wanting to attend as a student in one of the full programs; the current objective seems to be Circus Artist/Performer/Instructor. The story ripens from here. So, the New England Center for Circus Arts is in an old mill building which also houses many other crafters and businesses. There is an Open House the first weekend of December (2^nd-4^th) 2011. During the Open House, on Saturday December 3rd at 4:00 pm, there is an informal, low-key, FREE winter recital of the non-program students (those of us who take the evening classes but are not enrolled in either the Intensive or Pro-Track Programs). So, I signed up to perform on the German Wheel. It’s really just to show community members what NECCA has to offer and then on Sunday they actually have a chance to try some sample classes. But still, here I now find myself going over the tricks that I know and how to put them together in some sort of sequence; in short, I am taking my first shot at choreography for my first public performance on the German Wheel. They say you’re never too old, and I wish I had listened when I was a wee 13-year-old-babe.

Down on Me

It’s things like this that make me question the feasibility of my newly designed path. What I’m talking about is what went down in my German Wheel class tonight: my blood sugar. Before class it was really nice at 110 mg/dl. I took my pump off because sometimes it gets in the way. We did the warm-up which was some jogging, jumping, lunging, and stretching. Then the fabric kids (they’re around my age, some older some younger, but I like to call people kids) went to hang out on fabrics and us wheel kids got the wheels out to play. There was a new student with us tonight, so I felt a little cramped, but I was going to make myself be comfortable with it. I did some warm-up rocks and stuff and just felt off; too hot and sweaty and a little uncoordinated. So, I grabbed a chewy bar then hopped back on the wheel. Still didn’t feel right. Ok. I should see where I’m at…so I did another blood test. This time, it was 29 mg/dl. Seriously?!?! That’s very low. Seriously. I’m glad I didn’t try anything that required more skill and control. A non-diabetic typically stays around 60 – 90 mg/dl, and 60 is even a bit low, but not too bad. Usually the target range for diabetics is somewhere around 70 – 140 mg/dl. This differs from person to person; some break it down to 70 – 100 mg/dl before meals and 100 – 140 mg/dl after meals, whereas others might have slightly different target ranges based several reasons including age or how their control has been over the last 3 – 4 months. Moral of the story, I was low. This made me so frustrated because before class I thought to myself, I wonder if I should have a snack? I’m going to take my pump off anyway, and usually my blood sugar goes up a bit by the end of class, so, I’ll forgo the snack because I think it’ll be fine. I should have remembered that I snacked around 5 pm and gave myself insulin with it. That insulin was still hanging out in my system and got a little extra kick from the warm-ups we did. The result: crash, boom, splat, there goes my blood sugar. So I ate. Waited about 15 minutes. The wheel coach asked if I was ready yet…I just didn’t feel right yet, so I did another blood test. Whoopee…49 mg/dl. Grrrr, still not high enough; more snack and more waiting. I already felt like I was wasting time. I got really frustrated. I cried some. It happens when my blood sugar is low. I accept that, doesn’t mean I have to like it. Finally I felt kind of ok enough to do some stuff. But I was still awkward and not really on point like I’ve been in previous classes. Maybe in part because I was on a bigger wheel than I’m not used to; the new student had the wheel that I usually use. But really, I think I just let this “episode” get to me. I let it rattle around in my head and take up valuable space that happy-focus-wheel-focus-time needed. Then I let the insidious thoughts creep in, What are you even doing here, Abby? You’re just kidding yourself thinking that you can do this. You can’t even do a kick-over to seats without a spot yet. You can’t do pull-up to seats without a spot yet. You can’t do that weird pike thing without a spot yet. Stupid thoughts, where are you even coming from? Huh? The land of Low-Blood-Sugar-Shakes and Emotional City, that’s where. I know I’m low when I start panicking about the future. It’s true. I realized that during one particular finals week at UMass and I was standing in my dorm room just looking around and suddenly I was in the middle of some I’m-going-to-end-up-homeless-in-a-box-on-the-side-of-the-road-freezing-to-death panic attack. So, I knew this was just my blood sugar talking. But it actually tends to magnify fears or insecurities that I already have. So yes, I do wonder if what I am doing will be worth it; will I find success? Who really ever knows? All that matters is if I’m enjoying it. And yes, excluding the stinkin’ lows! Luckily, I ended on a high note. And I do not mean my blood sugar! I’ve been trying this trick that we call the “straddle spiral.” Most of the time the wheel just ends up slamming on the ground with a very loud SLAP! But tonight, after several tries, I finally got it. There is hope, after all.

Straddle spiral (the very first one, for about 2 seconds), then many more spiral moves.

Pull up to seats (at about 34 seconds) and kick-over to seats (at about 59 seconds)